One of my most recent trips to the doctor had me seated
next to a lady who was very pregnant. This isn’t
surprising for the OB’s office. However, this very
cheery lady proceeded to ask me how many
children I have. None. Then, was I just there for
a check up? No.
After her questioning and me explaining my
issues with PCOS and hypothyroid, she smiled
at me and said, “Well, you don’t look sick. At least
that’s something.” I know she was trying to be
nice, but I was irked.
Dealing with illnesses and issues like mine, I
hear that a lot. I see that my fellow sufferers
hear the same. It’s almost as if my illness isn’t
valid because I don’t look like I have an illness
all the time.
Nevermind the pain, the frustrations, the anemia,
being cold all the time, my hair falling out, the
swelling, the rashes, the depression, how I turn
into a crazy person if my hormones are off, the
weight gain, the insulin resistance, the heavy
prolonged menstrual cycles, the ovarian cysts,
high blood pressure, the heart palpitations, and
that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
My worst enemies seem to be the fatigue and
memory loss. I can sleep 10 plus hours and still
wake up tired. Small things that I should
remember are lost in the wind. Mentally, I can
feel great some days, but my body has no get up
and go. There are a lot of times where I take a
shower and have to rest afterward.
If I don’t get at least eight hours of sleep, I am
like a hungover zombie. I look about like one as
well. I make plans for weekends like I’m your
average adult only to come home from working
half a day on Saturday and sleep the afternoon
away.
Also, no matter if I’m on my feet all day or not,
they tend to swell. If it’s a bad night and my body
decides I need something new to be allergic to,
my lips swell. I end up looking like Will Smith in
Hitch.
All this has vastly improved since I started doing
low carb, and it’s a work in progress, but there
are still bad days. My hormones are adjusting to
my bit of weight loss. My husband never knows
if I’m going to be sweet or salty. I am like Forrest
Gump’s box of chocolate. You never know what
you’re going to get. Although I feel a lot better
most days, sometimes the hormones get the
jump on me.
My friend once described hormone issues like an
out of body experience. That was one of the
most resonating things I’ve ever heard in my
entire life. I can be just completely losing it,
and knowing I’m being crazy, and can do nothing
to stop it. I have to wait out the storm just like
my husband. He is usually great about it. He’s
seen the evolution of changes I’ve gone through
over the years.
I am an introvert and homebody. I’m happy with
work and home. I’m all about comfort zones.
Stepping out of them makes me a nervous,
anxiety riddled mess. If I’m home with my dogs
and a book, I’m am the happiest I can be.
Everything is right in my world.
For those of us who “don’t look sick,” please keep
those thoughts to yourself. I may not look like
the above photod today, and though you mean
well, sometimes it’s best to leave well enough
alone.
Kacie Jones 